I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
