i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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