Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
