I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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