I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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