I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
