Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
