I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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