barbara walters just said penis...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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