non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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