I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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