so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
