On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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