A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found puke in my bra..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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