Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
