i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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