We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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