Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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