did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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