he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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