I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
