I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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