I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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