I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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