Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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