i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
