suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
