You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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