Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the day after is always just damage control
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize