I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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