How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am one with the molecules
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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