Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
