Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think my mom watched the whole time
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
