that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
