I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
