she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
