He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
