If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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