she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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