i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
