"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she looked like the before picture.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You pole danced in your parka.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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