I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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