When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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