remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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