this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
