Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
