Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
