Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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