Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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