you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
