You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The best revenge is premature balding
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
