she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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