Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.