Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.