guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?