hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
