I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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