So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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