I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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