grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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