Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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