my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
