I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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