If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just forgot I was standing up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
